Reasons to leave your toddlers at home when going to the store:

Many of us have been on both sides, we have been the person with the yelling screaming kid and we have been the customer unencumbered by children looking on as a sweaty mom tries to wrangle her two tots, and fifteen bags of accessories they require for a short outing, into her SUV while holding a latte and dropping the contents of her purse... oh wait that may just be me.  Anyway, you get my drift. Its not easy taking kids anywhere. It's really best to just stay home and let them watch educational TV while you clean and peruse the internet on your smartphone... right? he he... Well as hard (and often annoying to other patrons... as I will elaborate on) as it is to take these small insane people to places where people are expected to behave a certain way (like social norms and such) it can be a very educational experience if you are up for it.  Not being attached to any outcome is usually a good rule of thumb. If you are going to home depot to get a blackout blind fitted and you need it by a certain day for your rental or some such nonsense, don't for gods sake bring along your poor toddler unless you have a nice long time to do the errand and a ton of patience. A quick walk to the neighborhood market however is a good way for kids to learn things directly from Mom or Dad or a caregiver or grandparent. Colors, shapes, sizes, different foods, numbers, letters, all of these amazing wonders are awaiting to behold if only the magic can be unlocked by a happy and unhurried parent who lets her child lead the way and has engaged conversations about the tangents that arise from whimsical questions....

        Er.... um. Well as fun as that is and can be from time to time the reality is that we are usually just trying to get through the day, and being buggered by a little buddy can be the last thing we need when the caffeine is wearing off and the demands of what to make for dinner and how to get in those important phone calls can be taking up most of our mental space. So when that cherubic little angel looks up at you and asks you what those funny purple veggies are you might just ignore her or give a quick distracted answer, when in another head space you would have thought it was the cutest thing she ever said. Its all about perspective. So if we give in to the now, sometimes, and let the children lead, we may find that they notice and inquire about things that we as adults have never thought of or wondered about... and even end up learning something new and awe inspiring. Children are our teachers as much as we are theirs. Sometimes we need to let them lead, and teach us.

Of course that still requires being the parent, and there are those folks out there who have never been the beleaguered parent and they really don't understand. One such lady was in line with me as I was holding my 16mo old baby who was yelling up a storm, the lady looked at her and loudly shusshed her and said "you're hurting my ears!"  After a moment of shock and quiet, baby's lip came out and she wailed! I apologized and said she was my 5th and so I guess it didn't bother me as much and she said she didn't have any children and wasn't used to it.  Maybe this is what we need to remedy. There are kids out there who don't have enough adults and adults who don't have enough kids. We need to bridge that inter-generational gap and get some  60 year-old only children, to become friends with a three year old who has 4 brothers and sisters. Let's get some empathy going on my friends!! 

"Ring the bells that still can ring, 

Forget your Perfect offering

There are cracks in everything

That's how the light gets in"

                    -Lenoard Cohen

This is one of my favorite quotes from a legendary songwriter who reminds us that nothing is perfect and neither are you. This inherently makes us all flawed.... and perfect. Perfectly flawed. Just like the intentional flaw woven into traditional indian rugs and blankets, these cracks in our beings are reminders of how fragile we are and how fleeting our time here will be. So ring the bells that still can ring. There is no going back. There is only now, there is only what will come that can change. Perhaps the steps we take each day are blueprints to our tomorrows. One small act, however tiny can make a ripple effect. That ripple where there was hardly a wind blown, one tiny act of consideration or kindness for another person or yourself could be the straw that broke the camels back, and the camel may be shame, depression, anxiety, worry. We are all weighed down by the demands of life and feel like the camel who is burdened by all the weight of the world until one tiny teeny thing,  a piece of straw as light as a feather, lands on top of all that amazing weight he is carrying and bamm, back broken. But instead of thinking of it as a collapse I am proposing we consider this hitting of rock bottom a liberation of sorts. If we give up on that perfect and usually perversely unrealistic ideal then we give ourselves permission to celebrate the good that does exist.

When I was in high school I had a quote I kept around that said "Focus on what you DO have, Focus on what you Can do!" I ran for class vice president and I went with that motto and my last name Canfield led to my campaign slogan being Jenna Can! I'd like to say it again Jenna Can! Whatever I decide to do this year I am going to put my full effort and life force behind it and make it worth doing. I am going to ring the bells that I have while I keep polishing those that are broken. I am going to make goals and set clear steps to follow to get there and ask for help and accept it when needed. I know I can't do it alone, but I also know no one can do it but me. I must be the change I want to see in the world. I must be the one who does not respond to my 7year old daughter with sarcasm and rudeness when it is given to me and my patience is tested. I must be the shining bell in her life that she can count on when all else goes crumbling.... which of course we all know it will someday. That is the way. 

So for today, delight in the dandilions, do some cloudgazing, and give out a few hugs. You will feel better and you never know what little ripple you might start.